UPDATE

These past few weeks have been crazy. I successfully moved in at college but if I'm being honest, I haven't felt myself in weeks. I doing this blog became a much more significant part of my mental health and happiness then I thought. Hopefully, I still have a couple of people who want to read it despite my sketchy post schedule. I'm still working on the August Allure beauty box post. I know it's technically not August anymore, but until I get the September box it may as well be. Anyway, I actually don't want to talk about beauty today. I know...odd right? The past week I moved into college. As with most things I do, my landing was less than graceful. Just kind of awkward and lonely. It's hard for the first few days to have no roommate. Everyone else has an instant buddy and they don't have to go anywhere alone. I, on the other hand, was in a booth in the dining hall all alone eating fries and people watching on more than one occasion. It took me three days to finally meet everyone living in my hall. Most people met and started forming friendships on move-in day. I was quiet while moving in. I'm not the most outgoing person ever but I am usually able to make connections fairly easy. The problem was everything else that was overwhelming me, living on my own, keeping up with CF on my own, going too hard college classes and keeping up with them. I just felt myself shutting down under the weight of it all. I just have to remember I got this, I can handle this and kick some ass. As long as I believe that I can I think everything will be okay. My nebulizer has, however, nearly set off the fire alarms twice already causing campus security to pound on my door to figure out what the fuck I'm smoking that might set off the alarm. Let me just say, campus security here asks the most insensitive question and I honestly can't tell if these guys are just morons or they are trying to intimidate me. Either way, I don't think I can handle another visit from them. It's pretty embarrassing, they make a whole big scene and shit. I do like it here though, I feel free. I basically have my own apartment. There are very few rules around how you live when you get to college, and the ones that do exist will be easy for me not to break. Liver failure does have a silver lining. The only thing that sucks is what a tight grip my parents have on the amount of clothes I can have here. I mean c'mon you guys at least let me fill my closet. Right now I have about ten full hangers on a rack that is at least three feet long (for reference those hangers take up about 0.01% of that space). Apparently, college isn't clothing and me wanting to bring my wardrobe is for some reason indicating that I will simply not get the proper college experience. What the fuck do they think I'm going to do, spend every second of my free time just wrapping myself up in my closet burrito style and smelling each fabric. No that is Wednesdays ONLY. Okay JK JK JK you guys I don't do that, but I still would appreciate a few more outfit options. My parents are batshit crazy sometimes. Batshit crazy but I still keep on lovin' them. Speaking of crazy people I love, I miss Jonathan. More then I imagined I would and I imagined I'd miss him so much that it would be physically painful. He can't start coming for the weekends until the first two weeks are over. His drivers' test is scheduled for the 7th and we have all the pieces in place for him to be ready as soon as I am allowed but it just feels so far away. I did get to go to his going away party with Uber funding from Mom and Dad. I just couldn't take the loneliness anymore. Being social is hard to do if you get discouraged enough. Getting to be with him then was a surprise pick me up I didn't plan on getting so I think I will be able to get through the next few days a little easier. To be totally honest, I've been doubting myself when it comes to this blog. My audience is small at best and I'm struggling to write a clear, focused beauty post. I thought about it and decided that I should at least try. It feels good to get my story out there, even if very few people pay attention.

-Mags🌺