Happy Thanksgiving my loves! I wanted to take a little time today to make sure I catch up with my blog a bit. A lot has been going on and for the first time ever, I am spending most of this rainy Thanksgiving Day alone. I have to admit I was a bit sad about it at first but it gives me some time to focus on reflecting on my life right now and I have some extra time to write, something which I haven't been able to dedicate enough time to since starting school. I am so truly grateful this year. I'm sure many people will find it hard to identify something they are grateful for right now, and that makes a lot of sense, but for someone like me, who has been gravely ill since birth, 2020 hasn't been all that extraordinary of a year for me. A year tainted by a deadly disease isn't exactly crazy for me. It's been much like every other year of my life, just with slightly more anxiety. This past year has had its down points, don't get me wrong, having a mental breakdown and being forced out of my freshman year of college being some of them, but all in all this year has changed everything for me, for the better. It is incredible to me that a little over a year ago now I was prepared to not make it to my first year of college. I was prepared to die before it even started. I wake up every single day now, I take a deep breath, smile, and happily gather my purell and mask to leave for my busy day. If that is all I have to do now to keep myself and others safe, I will do it happily. This year I am grateful for needing to wear a mask everywhere and for zoom being the major establishment I spent my time at. If corona is all I have to worry about now, I couldn't be more grateful. So perhaps next time we go to put on a mask we can look at it and be grateful it is there, not only for your protection but also for those around you. As I sit and have a little thanksgiving video call with my family I wanted to get their contribution to my post today, so asked them all to tell me what they are grateful for -
Dad - "I am grateful for my family's health"
Mom - "I'm thankful that we are all "here" even if just on zoom
Eliza (11) - "I am thankful for my family and still making it work to see my friends"
Carrie (15) - "TikTok, my boyfriend Jake, and Starbucks!!" ok just kidding "I am grateful for being able to go to school despite the pandemic"
hearing my family go through all the things they were grateful for was so nice, but admittedly it wasn't the actual sentiments that struck me. It was the speed with which they each were able to come up with something to be grateful for. I wasn't expecting them to instantly rattle off all the things that they appreciated about a year that has been so terribly awful from the public perspective I often see it comically referred to as a "dumpster fire" or the more blunt, "hell." I love that my family was so prepared to be grateful and optimistic, that despite the hardships, they were able to immediately shout out all these lovely things that happened this year. All those things didn't go unnoticed with us, and that is truly special. That brings me to my next point, lately, I have been really insecure about my online presence. I have worked extremely hard on my content for almost two years. It seems lately that people have been amassing HUGE following for doing little more than wearing skimpy clothes and doing dumb dances online. This was really starting to get under my skin, as much as I was trying not to let it. This past week, my school has been doing a quarantine, which means a lot of time in the quiet at home to reflect on this. I realized that even though I get 10 views max on my YouTube videos, my most loyal blog reader is my mom, and I can't seem to get anything to gain traction no matter how hard I try, nothing compares to the great feeling I get when I am creating, and this blog, the content I make, this is my outlet for that, so I am truly grateful, even if no one ever even reads these 😉
🌺Mags🌺
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